Ep 57:  Shame, Addiction & Community, Professional Counselor Tim Craley

Crack, cocaine, meth, alcohol... the list goes on and on.  It's ripping the very fabric of our society to shreds.  But it's not just drug addicts & alcoholics who can learn from these lessons of rehabilitation.  These methods of building individuals' self-esteem to the point where they can begin to believe they are enough, primarily through a supportive community, is something we can all benefit from.  Luckily, ex-addicts like Tim Craley have turned their pain into counseling for others. Tim has spent 9 years treating addiction, mental illness and family issues with a specialty in treating addicted health professionals, pilots, lawyers and those who identify as part of the LGBT community.  And the wisdom and honesty he offers in our conversation may provide the help that you or a loved one, struggling in silence, needs.
(Disclaimer: These are Tim's views alone. He is not attempting to represent the ideas of Hazelden Betty Ford or any other organization including AA/NA or any other he references throughout our interview.)


Eventually its funny, we better be able to laugh at ourselves at some-point (5:45). Shame (6:27). “I’m not enough, somethings wrong with me” (8:00). Unconscious self-destruct mechanism (10:08). “It’s not about your beliefs, it’s about being in a room with other humans in the spirt of empathy (11:23). I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go to a recovery meeting, but it’s like going to the gym (15:30). We grew up in an unsafe environment (21:10). Kids take responsibility for everything, and that’s where the shame begins (26:00). I knew that intimidation was powerful (29:00). I knew that when I mixed the alcohol and opiates the right way… I knew I’d do it everyday for the rest of my life (30:15). We are biologically designed to gather (33:50). Why is one sibling chemically addicted and the other isn’t? (34:30). “My father and I’s internal organization is almost exactly the same” (36:32). “I deep-sixed my baseball career” (38:38). I look at him (step-father) now as a sick person (40:50). We need others (42:15). Going to an AA meeting is a desperate act (43:36). AA is nothing short of a reparenting (44:09). It validated everything I knew about others that I wasn’t like them (49:19). That makes me a bad mother; I’m a piece of crap when I say I am (50:00). I have a narrative that I am wed to (53:20). What I start to hate myself for is what I’m good at (56:40). Unconditional love (58:30). Gratitude is the bedrock of the recovery program (1:00:20). It’s about control (1:00:12) You’re the worst part of my life (1:04:45). Ego Deflation (1:07:49). The hard part is to concede that someone else can teach you something about yourself (1:10:20). “Gentle” (1:13:22) Accepting the parts of ourselves that we loathe (1:14:50). The Shadow (1:18:38).

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Matthew Del Negro